As I write this I feel very sad. I have just returned from Christmas with my family and my mother is extremely sick. To date she has had three strokes, numerous lung problems and suffering from emphysema as a result of 70 years of heavy smoking. I think mum’s smoking was what make me decide when I was a little girl that I would never smoke, and I haven never in my whole life even tried a puff.
Mum can’t walk without assistance, she can’t read or concentrate enough to do puzzles, she can just manage to turn on her computer and possibly get the news however not that often and every time I visit I need to rearrange her desktop as she seems to be always able to lose everything.
Mum and dad live in the country and it’s a good 3½ hours drive from me or an hour’s flight, which is my preferred way to see them. My dad is 81 and he is my mother’s full time carer.
Dad is not that fit either, in fact he has had two knee replacements, two heart attacks and is riddled with Gout but he soldiers on without complaining and he made me the woman I am with his outgoing personality and positive outcome. Without a doubt, when my dad made his wedding vows “in sickness and in health” he made that commitment for life.
Going back to my mum, seeing her in this way made me realize my own mortality and as I do have Crohn’s Disease I really need to look after myself. It’s a wake up call to make that commitment to your body, your temple to keep healthy and eat the right foods.
Today when mum and dad drove me to the airport my mum hugged me so tight that I had the overwhelming feeling that she knew she may die soon. I have tears as a write this post and it would be selfish of me not to want her to go, she has no quality of life and I truly believe we do pass to a realm of just love and bliss with no sickness. I feel may brother may come to get her soon.