Grief is personal

Today is 6 weeks since mum passed. Dad is still distraught, and I’m kind of coping. Well actually I’m not, I’m distraught in my own secret world. Lately, I’ve had many people comment on how well I’m coping since I just lost my mum because I am attending events, and doing what I’d normally do. I smile because deep down inside I’m dying, but I don’t see why I should burden everyone else with my sadness and grief.

The truth is…the world keeps turning.

I will never forget when my brother took his life, how distraught I was. He was only 34 at the time and I was 37. I remember going shopping one day and wondering how everyone could be getting on with their lives because I thought to myself “surely they can see my pain and grief”. I could not fathom how anyone could be getting on with their lives when I was so grief-stricken. That was a different grief because Gary’s death was unexpected and he was so young. Mum’s death is, in a sort of weird way, a relief. Not a relief for us, her family left behind, because we are sad and lost, but it is a relief for her because she no longer suffers, she’s free as a butterfly.

If you have stumbled across this blog because you are grieving, my only advice to you is to grieve naturally. In other words, if you want to scream, cry and be depressed that is perfectly ok because that’s exactly how I was when my brother died. Or, if you want to be stoic and grieve in silence, that too, is perfectly ok and that’s exactly how I am grieving with mum.

Grief is personal, do what is right for you.