At the time of writing this, my family is going through a rough time. Four years ago our mother suffered a stroke which left her quite disabled. Since then she has had two further strokes, two collapsed lungs and now is bedridden with emphysema after years of smoking. I have never smoked in my life and seriously can’t understand why anyone would pollute their bodies with this poison. I can assure you watching someone suffer from emphysema is harrowing.
However this is not a blog post about anti smoking or doom and gloom, in fact it’s quite the opposite.
My dad is in his early 80’s, and is actually mum’s full time carer, however she is now in hospital and we are not sure when or if she will ever come home. You can imagine these are pretty tough days at the moment but life goes on. There are times I want to just break down and sob, which I have done over the last two weeks; yet something deep inside me says that just because we are going through this, it does not mean that I have to be constantly miserable.
Some mornings I have woken up feeling happy to have another day of life and then it slaps me right in the face; I remember my mother is suffering and I have to face the truth that one day I will wake up, and not have my mum anymore. I have two choices in that moment; I can fall into a deep black hole or I can get out of bed, greet the day and be grateful my mother is still here and rejoice in that.
People have looked at me as if I have two heads in recent days when I tell them what’s going on, it’s almost like they think I should be a picture of misery. The reason I refuse to wallow in self pity is because I have a great faith that my mother will eventually pass over to another place; a place without pain and suffering. Another reason is because my father taught me to try and always find some joy, no matter what is going on in your life. Dad says that whenever he gets down, which is very rare, he just daydreams of the things he loves and wants to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can always be happy, that’s impossible but what I am saying is try to find some joy somewhere, whatever is going on, even if it’s to do what dad does and take 15 minutes out of your day to stop, breathe deeply and daydream that something fantastic is happening to you right now.