Dying Of A Broken Heart
PHOTO: by Deb Carr - taken in Coolongolook NSW Australia.
It’s two days before Christmas as I finally get my momentum back to this blog. Something amazing happened today, it was almost like a thunder bolt hit me straight from heaven, and I don’t mean that literally. If you have read how this blog started, you already know that God (Source, Universe – fill in what you like to call the Creator) told me a few years ago that I was to write a book (I thought it was a book it was actually this blog) and call it The Jasmine in The Forest.
I wrote the manuscript for the book but it got destroyed when it was nearly finished. Of course I totally lost my faith in the book then and wondered why “God” would do that. It was then I started this blog and realized that “God” didn’t do anything except help me get on the right path. I’m already a well-known Sydney blogger so starting another blog to me is easy.
Photo: Deb Carr via Instagram
So now back to my story about dying of a broken heart.
My mum died just over 5 months ago and in that time, I have cried many tears, and have had to ride the waves of grief, they come crashing down ferociously at times. I believe because I was with mum when she died, and she opened her eyes after being in a coma for two days, just minutes before she took her last breath gave me great comfort. Mum looked at Dad, my brother Kevin, and me. She said good-bye with her eyes and then she took that last breath. I wondered if Gary had come to get her because she looked through dad just before she passed. Incredibly she looked really young again, all her wrinkles and worry lines magically went away.
Photo: Deb Carr Instagram...my parents back yard
Unfortunately my father is not coping as well as me and I think he is slowly dying of a broken heart. He misses mum so much and travels over 80km a day to visit her memorial (he lives in the country). Every day! Yes every day! He has shrines all around the home and he simply wants to give up living. This is hard to watch but I believe we all go through experiences for lessons in life, and I am not quite sure what dad’s journey is now, or what he is learning but I am certain, that he probably won’t be around for a long time, he’s simple broken. I think my lesson from mum’s death is to take more time for family and that nothing is more important than the people we care about because once we lose them, there is no getting them back. It’s permanent.
Photo: Deb Carr Instagram. Wallaby's and Kangaroos are in their hundreds around here.
Dad’s devotion to my mother is phenomenal. I keep telling him that mum will be there to greet him when his turn comes, and he takes comfort in that but isn’t totally convinced that’s what happens.
Unfortunately, I am a city girl and live a good 5 hours away so I don’t get up to the country as often as I like. At the moment I have been here for 4 days and will stay another 10 so I’m spending a lot of time with dad, and my eldest daughter who lives in the next town up.
The photos I have included with this post are from my instagram and show the beautiful scenery around here.
I truly feel my mum’s spirit when I go down to the river and sit on the jetty or into one of the forests. I can really feel nature's force in the forest, it’s like the trees are showering me with healing.
Mum's memorial. Photo Julie Slavin